The Way it Could Have Been
by Jade5233
Summary: An AU version of what Horizon could have been for Kimbri and Kaidan if he would listened and if she could have said what she meant.  Shenko.  One shot.  Not in continuity with my other Kimbri fics.


This was an idea that was running through my head one night. What if Kimbri could have gotten Kaidan to just listen to her and what if she could have said what she really wanted to rather than what came out of her mouth? This is an alternate telling of Horizon for Kimbri Shepard and Kaidan Alenko, not in continuity with my other fics. I haven't abandoned my other fics. However, my muse was finally willing to write something, so I let her, hoping that it would lead to working on the main Kimbri storyline.

Thanks to Aslanasadi for giving me her opinion and especially to NightOdie for beta'ing this for me even though she HATES Horizon. I really appreciate it.

Many of the words and all off the rights belong to BioWare.

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><p>Out of the post-battle haze caused by gunfire, biotics and the after-effects of adrenaline, a tall dark figure glides out from behind the crates at the end of the market square. His voice is low, the words spoken in a slow, hypnotic cadence, the scene as if out of some dream. "Commander Shepard. Captain of the <em>Normandy. <em>The first human Spectre. Saviour of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a goddess, Delan. And a ghost, back from the dead."

He stops in front of me, my breath catching in my throat at the sight of him. Safe. Alive. I feel the adrenaline wearing off, leaving me in shock, speechless. Staring into soft soft brown eyes, like brandy held to the light, rays of amber shining through. Beautiful. After 41 days without him, the sight of him in front of me is beautiful. I fight the tears threatening to well in my eyes as he searches my face for...something unreadable. Before I see the change in those eyes, he has stepped forward and taken me in his arms. I close my eyes, savoring the feel of him. I tuck my face in against his neck, taking in the scent of him, familiar and yet almost forgotten. Sweat, blood, ozone, gunfire. And a light spicy musk that is only Kaidan, that has come to mean home for me. I tighten my arm around his waist as my olfactory memory pulls me into times past when he held me, the fingers of my other hand travelling up his neck and into the back of his hair. My voice comes as a hoarse whisper against the soft skin of his neck. "Thank God you're safe. You're alive." What little of my voice there is breaks. "Thank God the Collectors didn't take you." A small shudder travels down my body at that frightening thought.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did," he murmurs over my shoulder before he pulls out the embrace. The look on his face no longer is that of open wonderment but has become more closed, suspicious. My soldier's training kicks in, overcoming the fatigue and shock, now hyper-alert once more to my surroundings-to more than just Kaidan. A small buzz in my ear reminds me of my comm unit-the one through which EDI and thus TIM can listen in on every word of this conversation. I check Kaidan's expression, which is rapidly turning from closed to openly angry. I hold up one finger to him to indicate that I do intend to respond, then turn back to Garrus and Kasumi, removing and disabling my comm unit with exaggerated motions. They catch on and follow suit without any further instruction. I turn back to Kaidan, already mourning the loss of our previous joyful reunion as I see the seething emotions bubbling up toward the surface of my normally controlled lieutenant-_Staff Commander. And he's probably not mine anymore, _I berate myself.

He steps closer. "I spent the last two years believing you were dead! I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real." His looks down, hiding his thoughts and emotions from my gaze. His raspy voice lowers and softens. "I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart." His eyes find mine again, now filled with hurt and anger. "How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

Garrus clears his throat and steps to my side. "Um, Shepard, if you don't need us, we'll go check on the remaining colonists." Kasumi gives him a disapproving look, as though he were dragging her away from her favorite holodrama.

I nod, not really taking my eyes off of the man in front of me. "Thanks, Garrus. Let me know if you find anything useful."

When they are out of earshot I respond, "I'm sorry to have caused you so much pain, Kaidan. I didn't mean to die that day. I didn't mean to leave you. But you saw what happened to the _Normandy_." I move toward some overturned crates nearby. I sit, pulling off my targeting visor, rest my head in my hand and stare at the ground. "I _was_ dead, Kaidan. I still can't quite wrap my head around that fact or how it was possible to be brought back from that. I can't quite grasp that two years have passed while I was...being resurrected. Its been only 41 days to me. I tend to forget that so much time has passed. The Alliance has moved on. The Council has moved on." My voice falters. "I'm sure you've moved on, too."

Kaidan sits on a crate across from mine, cradling his head in his own hands. His tone softer, less angry. "I did move on. At least, I thought that I did." He lifts his head, his eyes searching my face. "But now we've got reports about you and Cerberus. You _are_ with Cerberus now, aren't you. Garrus too." His eyes are averted, unwilling to look at me. "I can't believe the reports were right."

My eyes narrow as I feel hurt, abandonment and anger rise within myself. "Reports? You mean you already knew that I was alive? And you didn't try to contact _me?"_

"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip this one might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were reports that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy."

My voice lowers, angry and dangerous. "Building the defense towers were just a cover story. The Alliance sent you here to investigate me, didn't they?"

He shakes his head. "I was here for Cerberus. You were just a rumor. I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I wasn't going to believe idle rumors until I saw it with my own eyes." He stands, pacing in front of me. "Don't you remember all of the atrocious things Cerberus did? Now you're working for them? You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

I look up, my eyes brimming with anger mixed with unshed tears. "Its awfully hard to call it betrayal when that party turns their back on you, Kaidan."

The marine stops his pacing to stare down at me, his eyes slits. "And what exactly is that supposed to mean, Shepard?"

"It means that I went to the Alliance, to Anderson, as soon as I could free myself from Cerberus. He turned me away. He wouldn't reinstate me to the Alliance. And he stonewalled me about you. He _knew_ that my only other option was Cerberus. And he threw me to the frakking wolves." I put my head back in both hands, my fingers threading through my hair, pulling at it. "I have run out of options." I look up at him again, unable to shield the hurt and betrayal I felt. "I can't abandon our colonies to the Collectors. I _can't._ Not out of the fear of soiling my reputation by associated myself to Cerberus. I _know_ its a deal with the devil. But I'm trapped, Kaidan." I avert my eyes, no longer able to meet his hard stare and mumble to myself, "I'm so alone."

I feel the man lower himself in front of me. I don't want to meet that judgemental gaze again. I feel crappy enough the way it is. "You're telling me the truth aren't you?" His voice gentler than it had been, if still a bit incredulous.

"You used to know me, Alenko. When have you ever known me to lie?"

"You're right. You don't. Not without a good reason anyways." I feel his fingers gently yet firmly grasp me around the chin and turn my face toward him. "Kimbri, look at me." The stubborn part of me wants to resist, but the larger part of me hopes that something can still be salvaged from this reunion. I look at him. His eyes are no longer that hard brown, but back to their brandy and amber tones, concern etched on his handsome face. I feel some tension loosen in my chest. "You're not alone in this, Shepard."

I look back at the way Garrus and Kasumi had exited. "I know. I'm lucky, so lucky to have Garrus. At least I know there's one person I can trust to have my six-on the battlefield or off." I return my attention to him. His eyes are closed, face strained. "Kaidan, what are you thinking about?" I ask with more than a little caution to my voice.

He sighs, looking down. "It should be me, Shepard. It should be me by your side, watching your six. Protecting your back from Cerberus."

I feel the first ray of hope peek through the rainclouds of my existence since waking up over a month ago. My eyes reflect that hope as they seek out his, my gloved hands wrapping around his. "Then why don't you? Come with me, Kaidan. It'll be just like old times." _Except my Loft is a lot more sound proof than my quarters on the _Normandy. I try to keep the smirk off of my face as I envision all of the possibilities with Kaidan in my quarters.

I see a momentary flicker of uncertainty behind his eyes, of temptation by the offer. His omnitool pings, drawing his attention away. When he returns his gaze to mine, his eyes are filled with grim resolve. "No it wouldn't, Shepard. A lot has changed in the last two years for me. Things I can't just put aside. I have responsibilities, Shepard. To the Alliance. To the Citadel." He lets out a long breath. "I can't just abandon my mission to follow you, just like you wouldn't abandon yours for me."

I look down at my hands, still holding his. "So where does that leave us, Kaidan?" I can't help the glaring expression on my face as I look at his. "Back where we were? On opposite sides again?"

His hand cups my cheek, drawing my face toward his until his forehead touches mine and his soft brown eyes hold mine captive. "No, Shepard. I prefer to think of us as working on the same problem from different angles. You go out there, defeat the Collectors, rescue our colonists... Do what you do best." His omnitool pings again, causing him to roll his eyes at its impatience, but he doesn't let go of me. "I'll go, make my report to the Citadel. Tell the powers-that-be what happened here, what you are doing and why. I'll work on the political side, trying to reduce the fallout that will be facing you when you return."

"_If _I return. It's supposed to be a suicide mission, Kaidan."

He wraps his arms around me, pulling us both to our feet, pressing my armored body into his. I feel the tremulous hum of his biotics. His fingers weave into the hair at the back of my neck, lightly brushing my amp as he lowers his face to mine, his lips hovering over mine. My knees feel weak, my lips trembling for the touch of his as I feel his warm breath washing over the sensitive skin. "Promise me, Kimbri. _When_ you return."

I start to protest, "Kaidan, I can't pr-" His mouth fastens onto mine, gentle at first but quickly becoming insistent. I fight it for a moment, wanting to make my point but am soon overwhelmed by the feel of him, of his kiss, his body close-of all things that I've yearned for since I awoke on that metal slab on the Lazarus Station. My body melts against him as if the armor was nonexsistant.

I make a moan of protest as his lips leave mine, again hovering whisper-close above them. I feel their almost magnetic pull. "_Promise me,"_ he demands in a soft growl. I don't trust my voice, overwhelmed as I am, so I simply nod, then gaze up at him again expectantly. He doesn't disappointment me.

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><p>We both straighten our armor, smoothing and patting it back into place. I loath the process (1) because that mean my hands are forced to be occupied with something other than touching him and (2) it's a bitter reminder that we will part all-too-shortly. Kaidan glances ruefully at the still-blinking omnitool on his wrist, releasing a reluctant sigh. "I guess I'd better finally check in with Anderson before he thinks I've been abducted too."<p>

I can't help the mischievous grin that spreads over my face. "You know, that's not a bad alibi. We could just pretend you were kidnapped by the Collectors and return you safe and sound to Anderson after the mission." I'm only half-joking.

"Tempting, Shepard. But we each have work to do to prepare this galaxy for the Reapers. And its probably for the best if we keep this," he motions back and forth between us, "as much out of the sight of Cerberus, the Alliance, and the Citadel as possible-for now." He kisses the tip of my nose, trying to take the sting out of the necessary rejection. I run my hands over the sides of his armor, closing my eyes and savoring just one more moment in his presence.

He brushes his lips lightly against mine once more and, reluctantly, I let him go. He turns his back, heading toward the com center. I both love and hate the sight. Yes, he had a gorgeous backside, but I hate seeing it moving away from me. "So long, Kaidan," I murmur under my breath, mostly to myself.

He turns back one last time, holding my gaze with his. "Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful."


End file.
